Travel Travails

The other day, when I entered the office of John, he was in an unusually furious mood. He was repeatedly pounding his fist on the table, dislodging the mouse and spilling Colombian black coffee on the glass table top.

John Simpleton is my on shore* manager. He is running several projects at his captive offshore delivery center in India. I had gone on a two week trip to US to meet him. Part of my objective was to convince John to give us a few more projects and release a few more dollars from his tight fist.

"What's up, John ? The network is down again ?" I asked cautiously.

"Worse" came a terse reply from some where under gritted teeth.

After much prompting, John's tale of woe began to unravel. The previous day he wanted my team in India to stay late and finish a piece of mission critical work. He had left specific instructions to this effect, but none of the offshore team members responded to his mail. Later he came to know that the whole team had gone off early to attend a buddy's wedding. And it happened on a Friday evening.

"John, my friend", I started explaining patiently. "The team does understand your pain points. After all, the VP is screaming at you, not at them."

"Then why don't they cooperate ? Can't they stay a couple of hours late and finish this piece before they dash off to their stupid stag party ? Can't they at least come to office a couple of hours on Saturday and finish it ? Why are they so completely unpassionate about work ?" John started slightly to sway back and forth.

"John, you are a wonderful guy. You take a lot of pains to get this thing up and running. Just that you don't understand our pains, the circumstances under which we in India work.."

"For example... ?" demanded John.

"Imagine this scenario : You just got your much delayed promotion.."

Without stopping to examine the mild glitter in his eyes, I continued : "But the promotion comes with a rider : You must agree to work for six months in our India branch in Chennai. So you pack up and move to Chennai, along with Loretta and the kid; you rent a mosquito infested house in Villivakkam - a suburb that appears to be eight light-years from the office..."

"Arrrrgh."

"Every day you start from home at 8 AM. Walk half a mile to the nearest railway station, dodging potholes and carefully trying not to step on the toes of ferocious street dogs.."

"Is it really that bad ?" John started showing some signs of humanity.

"The worse is yet to come", I assured him. "The train is bursting with people, but you manage to get a foot hold. Arrive at Central station by 8.45 AM. You dart across the street, just missing a speeding water tanker by a whisker. After 30 minutes of waiting, there comes an overcrowded bus tilting at an angle of 45 degrees to the ground under the weight of its human cargo".

"I won't board it for my life."

"This is the fastest and cheapest mode of transport available. Try driving in this city - you will be outraged with road rage".

"Are the buses always crowded ?"

"Yes. You are just able to cling on to the foot board; and travel for three quarters of an hour, with three fourths of your body literally hanging outside the bus. Now it is 10 AM; finally you arrive at the office in one piece, but two of your shirt buttons are missing. Your brand new $20 Parker pen is also gone".

John's eyes were now downcast.

"My dear John, if you experience this even once in your whole life, you will not expect me to come to office on a week end to drop a little code patch, that will anyway be rolled back the next day; will you ?"

"I guess you have a point" said John quite amicably.

---

*Jargon file :

on shore : usually refers to the USA, occasionally used for any of its Western allies.
off shore : always reserved for India.

Expressions like "He has gone to on shore", and "The offshore is adamant that the blue screen is not a programming bug" are common in this part of the world.

---